Most of us have hit the age where most everyone we know is married, engaged, or dying to get married. Where does that leave us? Those who are happily single? Those of us who dread weddings, could care LESS about wedding dresses or engagement rings? What about us?

Here are a list of compelling reasons you shouldn’t get married.

1) Despite what everyone else says, you LOVE the single life.

2) You know you’ll have to share both the ice cream and the television remote.

3) You’ll have to boot Pablo the Pool Boy.

4) You like to sleep across the whole bed.

5) You can’t stand sharing your space, especially when you know that with marriage comes dude stuff – like that awful Bud Light sign.

6) You know that colonies of dirty socks will follow you everywhere you go the moment you let a guy move in.

7) You’d rather be able to break it off and move on without having to involve the courts.

Your toilet seat will NEVER be the same.

9) You don’t want to have to answer to anyone – you can come and go as you please.

10) Marriage = one person for the rest of your life. One person for the rest of your life = BORING.

11) Marriage is expensive. So is divorce. You’d rather take the cash and travel around Europe for three years.

12) Your main priority is climbing that corporate ladder and making yourself a success in your career.

13) Getting a break on your taxes and car insurance, despite what they say, isn’t a reason to settle down.

14) Marriage is an antiquated tradition, much like not allowing women to vote. Why bother with an institution that fails half the time?

15) You know that marriage = compromise. You don’t feel that you need to compromise everything to be with someone else.

Written by Aunt Becky on CafeMom’s blog, The Stir.

Carlo was an attractive man who had been married for 20 years. His kids were out of the house, so he could no longer use them as an excuse for remaining in his unhappy marriage. He forever complained that his wife was a hopeless bore, but he stayed — and had affairs. I asked him, “If you’re so miserable, why don’t you get divorced and marry the mistress you’ve had for the last eight years?” His response was not surprising: “Dr. Gilda, I know that if I married my mistress, she’d turn into another dull wife; our sneaking around keeps our passion going.” I agreed that many people have illicit affairs and remain married. Despite the obvious reasons for keeping a marriage intact, I wondered why people really continue to stay.

Helen Fisher’s groundbreaking book, Anatomy of Love, was published in 1992. It taught us that romantic love can only last from 18 months to three years, at best. From the time her book came out, I’ve quoted these findings in my writing, my speeches, and my media appearances. But recently, I interviewed the author for another article I was doing. In our discussion, I recounted the 18-month to three-year limit she placed on romantic love. What a shock to hear her excitedly describe her latest findings that refute her former research!

The link between love and addiction
Fisher’s team from the Department of Anthropology at the Rutgers Center for Human Evolutionary Studies scanned images of the brains of young couples who were madly in love and had been together for six months. Since more than 100,000 chemical brain reactions fire up each second, the group sought to determine how lovers’ brains reacted to seeing a photo of their beloved compared to one of a stranger. In fact, the lovers’ brains showed activity in the same region as the brains of people who were using addictive drugs, so the team likened romantic love to an addiction. Moreover, this addictive brain activity matched that of someone who had been dumped. So this would explain a rejected party going haywire in attempts to regain a lost love.

How long-term relationships affect brain chemistry
OK, so these were findings for the young lovers studied. Next, the researchers examined the brain activity for couples aged 40 to 65 who had been married for at least 20 years and were still wild about each other. After viewing their spouse’s photo, each older person’s brain showed vibrancy in the same region as the younger subjects had in the previous study. In addition, there were increased levels of the chemicals serotonin and vasopressin present. (Serotonin maintains happiness and serenity, and vasopressin affects monogamy.) So the major difference between the young lovers and the older ones was that the regions of the older subjects’ brains associated with love anxiety were no longer active! The passion was still there, but accompanying that now was a sense of calm. The researchers concluded that when the obsessive suspense of new infatuation is removed, couples can continue to enjoy passion, alongside the vital ingredient of trust. Fisher’s findings suggest that true, dependable love can last forever — but she warns that people must first select the right partner.

Preserving “positive illusions” about your partner
So is the habitual cheater, Carlo, correct in predicting a future of boredom with a new, different wife? Fisher cites research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology conducted by psychologist Marcel Zentner at the University of Geneva in Switzerland, who found that there is only one personality trait that will lead to a couple being able to enjoy the kind of sustained romance that Fisher’s team observed: the ability to enjoy “positive illusions” about each other. Certainly, we’ve all heard long-married people characterize each other in such glowing terms that we wonder whom they’re describing; this is the “love blindness” Zentner mentions in his study. Fisher deems this condition to be a gift from nature that enables partners to ride the waves of relationship crises together. Clearly Carlo lacks that “love blindness” in his own marriage, since he perceives his wife to be unappealing, boring and dull. On the other hand, my friend Bobbi describes her husband of 14 years this way: “Everything about him as a man excites me.” To outside observers, Bobbi’s husband drips food from his mouth when he eats, is 40 pounds overweight and he’s often been let go from jobs because of his temper… but none of these traits faze Bobbi. After several years together, the couple’s shelf life remains solid.

How to choose the right partner for you
So what’s the secret to lasting love? Zentner says that it’s caused by “love blindness,” and Fisher says it’s also dependent on selecting the right partner. Toward that end, she developed a personality type test that categorizes four styles of temperament: Explorer, Builder, Negotiator, and Director. She describes each type in her book, Why Him? Why Her? These types are also the basis for the Chemistry.com dating site.

After Carlo and his wife took Fisher’s personality type test, Carlo learned that he’s an Explorer who seeks novelty and is intolerant of routine. His wife is a cautious, orderly Builder. Fisher calls their pairing “polar opposites” who are “likely to face problems.” While Carlo enjoys spur-of-the-moment adventures, his wife values rigidity that stifles spontaneity. On paper, this couple may appear to be mismatched — but sometimes such opposites may prove beneficial to each other. For example: the Builder can stabilize the impulsive Explorer, and the Explorer can offer flexibility that the Builder lacks.

My Gilda-Gram advises, “The issue we see is never the real issue.” So while Carlo says he doesn’t want a mistress who will become a dull wife, he may really need a steadfast partner like his established spouse happens to be. Maybe Carlo’s definition of “dull” should be redefined as “stable” so he can therefore find her to be desirable again. The fact that he stays married to this anchoring personality proves that Carlo craves stability on some level — no matter how much he protests.

Fisher doesn’t recommend singles rejecting someone based solely on his or her personality type, because biology and destiny are different things. However, for personality types that might seem incongruous, she suggests proceeding caution — at least for the first few years! Frankly, that’s wise advice for anyone in any new relationship.

A bit of love blindness goes a long way. Also, knowing your personality type can lead you to the right partner. Yes, lasting love can be both peaceful and passionate. The only question now is, “Will we accept steamy calm as the new standard instead of the torment our romantic comedies have taught us to expect?” With these new findings, we must change our perspective about love so we can welcome this peaceful ecstasy that can last!

By Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D.
YAHOO Dating Tips and Advice

Think the sparring between the candidates is tense? Imagine if you were arguing the issues with someone you were dating!

“The biggest challenge in that situation is the difference in values and what that means for your future,” says Erica Sheksley, a liberal political communications consultant who dated and lived with a Republican/Libertarian. “We would disagree about what a marriage should mean, for example, or on how we wanted to live our lives, raise our children or even whether or not you should give money to a homeless person on the street. Ultimately that can start to wear down on you — constantly having to fight over things that you believe at your core.”

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Mary Matalin and James Carville’s union is high-profile proof that folks of different political stripes can get along… and even get married. And Match.com research indicates that almost two-thirds (63 percent) of singles surveyed during earlier elections said they’d talk about politics on a first date. (Democrats were more likely than Republicans to say this.) Just over half (57 percent) of those respondents would go so far as to marry someone with dramatically different political leanings.

How can you keep yourself in the running if your date has different views on candidates and issues? Read on for a few helpful tips.

Don’t expect change. “The biggest mistake that daters of different parties can make is to believe that their partner will change his or her political views to accommodate them,” says political consultant David Johnson, CEO of Strategic Vision in Atlanta, GA. “Do not enter the relationship expecting to persuade your partner to change his or her viewpoint. Learn to respectfully disagree.”

Look for common ground. Instead of focusing on what you don’t agree on, dig deeper to find the larger issues where you do agree. “One person may believe that welfare is wrong and one person may believe welfare is right, but ultimately, you may both believe that people need help somehow to get out of poverty,” Sheksley says. “Make sure you have enough shared values to make it work. You need to be able to separate the differences in your political views on policy from your core values.”

Agree to disagree. “Disagree with the politics, not with the date,” suggests Leslie Ungar, founder of Electric Impulse Communications, Inc., an Akron, OH-based firm that provides communications coaching to executives and other professionals. This approach isn’t for the faint of heart, however. “It requires constant and consistent affirmation of the date and the relationship’s potential before going in for each kill,” she says, laughing. “Although I am a communications expert, I once resorted during a first dinner date to threatening to stab my date with my fork if he repeated his stance one more time.”

Keep it to yourself. “I fell for Sue before I knew her party preference,” says Jack Hardy, a dyed-in-the-wool Republican from Newport, RI. “There was so much about her that I appreciated and respected that we just agreed not to discuss politics much. It’s been challenging during the campaign, but we gently remind each other when one of us starts to stray into those waters… and that keeps it smooth sailing.”

Though these approaches are definitely doable, each requires a high level of self-awareness, discipline and a strong desire to make the relationship work. “If you’re really passionate about your politics, it’s going to be tough, but love does conquer all — even partisan politics,” Hardy laughs.

By Margot Carmichael Lester
YAHOO Dating Tips and Advice

How many times have you heard a woman say, “Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em!” when it comes to men? Ten? Twenty? A thousand times? No matter how much women love men (and vice versa, of course), they drive them crazy sometimes! Here are the top five things that make gals bonkers when it comes to guys.

1. Trying to “fix” things instead of listening. The terrific show Modern Family addressed this common point of contention between the sexes when Phil Dunphy went to the spa and his wife Claire called him with a problem. He tried to fix it, but fortunately, the spa ladies set him straight. All she really needed (and wanted) was a sympathetic ear and some recognition for all the things that she did for her family.

There are no shortcuts when it comes to being a good listener — and women can tell the difference if a man is faking it. If you’re a man who wants to be a better listener, try maintaining eye contact, reframing what she’s said to make sure you understand it, and uttering affirming statements, such as: “That must’ve been really hard,” “It sounds like you handled it very well,” or asking, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

What should you do if your partner is a perennial “fixer” instead of simply listening to you? Chances are, you’ve already tried to explain why his fixation on fixing things doesn’t work for you. The next step might be to remind yourself that, despite this annoying habit, your man isn’t all bad. When it comes to dealing with his shortcomings, “the key is to focus on what you like about the person, not what you don’t like,” counsels Marc Muchnick, Ph.D., author of No More Regrets! 30 Ways to Greater Happiness and Meaning in Your Life. “What about this person is unique and special? The answers should help minimize the [impact of] annoying behaviors.”

2. Behaving in a way that could be perceived as lazy or indecisive. “Women are made crazy by men that don’t ‘man up,’” says Marni Battista, expert dating coach and founder of DatingWithDignity.com. “From saying they will call and not following through to texting instead of picking up the phone to make a date, women are learning that it is less common to find a man who embodies chivalry and good, old-fashioned alpha male energy.” Women hate it when men are lazy with maintaining their personal appearance, forgetful about making plans, or avoid making decisions. And they particularly dislike it when men are emotionally passive by saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of really apologizing when it’s called for during an argument. Ask yourself: Do I take the path of least resistance when it comes to dealing with women and with my life? If the answer is “yes,” chances are good you’re guilty of this one. Try a little harder to impress her and make her feel valued, and you might be surprised at how much happier and more fulfilling your relationship becomes.

And if you’re a lady who’s dealing with a lazy dude? Pick your battles wisely. You’re not going to turn a hoodie-wearing Xbox addict into James Bond overnight. By being clear about what you expect (and by asking for realistic things, like the occasional fancy date night), you’ll see some progress. If you don’t, tell your man-child to take a hike.

3. Not paying attention to her feelings. Women are emotional beings. They notice things — like stand-offish body language or the time a guy paid more attention to other women on their date — and they don’t like it. Why do men sometimes act so callously? “These [behaviors] persist because people don’t work on dealing with their issues as much as they should, and they simply leave a relationship when they’re frustrated, even though the same problems often rear their heads in the next relationship,” says Dr. Seth Meyers, a Los Angeles-based psychologist and author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription. In a society rich with dating options, men might think they can get away with unkind behavior; it’s up to women to tell them that they can’t. “If he drives you crazy because he’s inconsistent, uses language that puts down women, is secretive about himself after months of dating, or prefers his time alone over time with you, you’re probably better off moving on,” advises Linda R. Young, Ph.D., a psychologist and relationship coach who blogs for Psychology Today.

4. Paying too much attention to technology toys. We get it; smartphones and their attendant text messages, Twitter feeds and Facebook status updates are fascinating. But when a man spends more time looking a tiny screen instead of the face that’s right in front of him, there’s a problem. “Tell your partner what effect his behavior has on you and be specific about what you want to see [him doing] instead,” says Young. “For example: ‘When you keep texting other people while we’re having dinner, it sends the message to me that I am not your priority when we’re out together. I understand your needing to stay in touch at work during off-hours, but I think not using the phone while we’re eating dinner (barring emergency calls) is reasonable. What do you think is reasonable?’”

5. Taking her for granted. A good relationship is not one in which the male half is spending most of his free time with his buddies in dives, playing video games or watching sports. If this is how you’d prefer to spend all your time, why even bother having a girlfriend? Obviously, women need to give their partners space to socialize outside of their relationship, but the key is finding a good balance. Communicate with your partner about what she feels is reasonable when it comes to deciding how you’ll both spend your time. If her expectations are completely different than yours about the amount of quality time she requires, you may not be a good match. “Overall, for a relationship to work long-term, your partner’s personality has to be one that yours meshes smoothly with,” explains Meyers. It’s the same with setting expectations.

By Laura Schaefer
YAHOO Dating Tips and Advice

You’re More Concerned With the Wedding than the Marriage

It seems that nowadays we hear more about celebrities getting divorced and calling off engagements than we do about them saying, “I do.” The truth is, marriage just isn’t for everyone. Sometimes the time just isn’t right; other times, it could be the person you’ve chosen. For many, this is difficult to accept. However, when we don’t acknowledge the truth and blindly enter matrimony, the effects can come back to bite all of us (in some cases a broken marriage = broken children or a broken community). I’m convinced that a significant reason for the looming divorce rate (of approximately 48%) is due to one simple reason; many of us marry when we’re just not ready. The best way to deal with a broken marriage is to preempt it because once a marriage is broken it is very difficult to restore. Since prevention is better than a cure, it’s important that we recognize how to identify whether or not we’re ready for marriage in the first place. The following are 12 signs that a person is not ready for marriage.

Often, more time is spent preparing and agonizing over the wedding details than actually considering the marriage. If you know more about the flowers at your upcoming wedding than you do about your partner’s debt situation, marriage ain’t for you.

The Trust Isn’t There Yet

Trust is critical. However, I find that some people don’t believe it’s possible to “fully” trust anyone, let alone a future spouse. If this is your challenge, you’re setting yourself up for a tumultuous relationship. Trust is belief in one’s integrity. No relationship can survive without trust.

You Can’t See Yourself Parenting Their Child

When you enter a relationship with a single parent, you enter a relationship with their children, as well. I’ve heard countless stories of people saying “I love the person but just don’t love his/her kids.” This unfortunately is an unworkable situation. Children are not accessories to be included or not, they are a permanent part of the equation.

You Haven’t Been Dating for Long

This is one category where statistics speak volumes. Most studies show a clear distinction in the divorce rate based on the number of years a couple dates. If you date and get married in less than two years, divorce rates are measurably higher than dating and marrying with more time under our belt. An interesting twist to these studies is dating too long before getting married has negative consequences, as well (anything over five years has high divorce rates).

Your Vitals Aren’t Strong

If you’re headed to the altar without your relationship vitals in place, I call this settling. Relationship vitals are your values, personality type, and non-negotiables. These are all categories you should know and never amend for anyone. Your vitals are so important because the key pillars to a successful relationship are communication and conflict resolution. Met relationship vitals give you the optimal chance to exchange ideas and work through problems, when they arise

You’re Not Ready for Compromise

The pastor that counseled my wife and me before we got married told us something we’ll never forget – “You can’t have a successful relationship (romantic or platonic) unless you have a willingness to compromise.” When times get tough, there is one of two ways we react. Either we become selfish and focus on self or we become selfless and focus on our loved ones. If you (or they) are the former, marriage is not the right move.

You’re Being Pressured

Are you getting married because of threats or ultimatums? If this is the case, you shouldn’t be getting married. Marriage should be entered by the free will of two people who love and respect one another. If you’re being pressured to get married, it’s time to reevaluate the basis of the relationship.

You Don’t Speak Their Love Language

I’ve often said Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” is the bible of relationships. In it, he paints a very compelling argument that an inability to speak or receive the love language of your partner is a recipe for disaster. Not giving love in a language they understand or receiving love in your language means you and your partner may never truly feel love.

You’re Not Sexually Attracted to Each Other

Plain and simple, he can be the most wonderful guy in the world, have the potential to set the record for best husband and father on the planet, but if you’re not sexually attracted to him, your relationship will go south quickly.

You’re Battling Addiction or Mental Health Issues

Pathology is something that does not get enough attention when we talk about relationships. Nearly 20 million people in the U.S. suffer from negative pathology. This means one in 25 people will have the disorders associated with ‘no conscience’ which include antisocial personality disorder, sociopath, and psychopath. Bottom line is that a healthy mind is a prerequisite to a healthy relationship.

You’re Investing More than You Can Afford to Lose

The joining together of two people is also the joining together of two families and circles of friends. Social tension is often cited as a top reason for divorce. You must ask yourself “at what cost am I in this relationship?” If you have to give up your friends, or family, the cost is too high. Reason being, if it all falls apart, you’ll be both emotionally and socially bankrupt. Like Dr. Phil said, “it is better to be healthy alone, than sick with someone else.”

Your Mind Still Wanders

If you’re apprehensive about marriage because you feel that someone better (looks or general attributes) could be around the corner, marriage ain’t for you. When you get married, you should feel confident that the person you’re meeting at the altar is the best for you and life without them is imaginable.

Essence
MSN

The Career Lie

Real women share their amazing and often hilarious first-date lies stories.

Saying Yes When You Really Mean No

“Sure, I’ve lied on first dates! When a guy asks me if I want to go out again, I say yes. Then I don’t answer the phone when he calls. I have a hard time hurting a guy’s feelings, and I don’t want to seem rude because I did get a free meal.”

It’s All About the Games

“When my first date revealed he was a hard-core video-gamer, I felt compelled to connect with him, so I said I was a gamer too. But I’m really not—unless you count playing Super Mario Brothers as a kid. Good thing Mario is a hot topic worth reminiscing about; we talked for hours about my ‘mad skills.’”

Acting Out

“I live in West Hollywood and work in the film industry. On a first date, I exaggerated my role in the office and said I was a producer, when really I was an office assistant. I dated this guy for a few months, and it worked out because I did get to attend a lot of cool movie premieres and events, like the Golden Globes gifting suite when my big boss couldn’t make it. We stopped seeing each other before my life as a coffee/errand/do-it-all gal was revealed to him.”

The Name Game

“When my girls and I go out, we all give ourselves names that start with a P—they are the most pretty, silly names, and it’s a ton of fun to see the guys reactions to Pia, Petra, Penny, Polly, Prin! The five P’s! (Especially if we weren’t interested and they were total creepers). If one of us likes a guy, we come clean, but that rarely happens, so just call me Polly.”

Stalking is a No-No

“I met a cute guy at a coffee shop, and a couple of days later he called to ask me out on a first date. After saying yes, I immediately went online to stalk his profile on MySpace, where I learned he was really into the band Slayer. So I listened to a few of their songs. On the date, he brought up the band and I blurted out, ‘OMG, I love Slayer!’ (I do not; Britney Spears and Dolly Parton are my iPod’s most-played artists.) Luckily, thanks to my online research, I knew a few song titles, so I was able to save face when he asked what my favorite songs were.”

Blind Ambition

“My blind date got completely wasted and rambled on and on about how he was a diehard Louisiana State football fan. Blah, blah, blah—boring! To get even, I told him I was actually the marketing director for the team’s football program and that I could hook him up with tickets, hotels, restaurant gift cards, merch—you name it. This seemed to sober him up a little, and he started asking loads of questions about my work—gulp. I kept my cool on the date but never talked to him again.”

The Harmless White Lie

“I’m a single mom, but I told my date I was just single and lived alone, when the truth was, I moved in with my parents so they could help me out. I like to feel a guy out before I tell him I have a kiddo and live with my ‘rents, to see if he’s genuine or a jerk!”

Lucky in Love

“I went on a date with a guy and told him I was single, when really I was in a serious relationship with someone else. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, and eventually the guy I lied to became my husband. We’ve been happily married for eight years, and he still shakes his head every time I tell him I was still dating someone when I met him.”

The Ol’ Fake Phone Call

“I faked a phone call once during a first date and told the guy that my roommate was in the ER and I had to go. It was probably really obvious that I was lying to get away from him, but to be fair, he asked me if he could tie me up and take pictures before the appetizer arrived.”

Glamour

Think pulling out chairs — or, better yet, laying cloaks over puddles to prevent needless muddying of a lady’s footwear — is the way to woo women? Alas, gentlemen, that’s old-school chivalry. Such classic gestures are nice, but charm and etiquette in the modern age have different requirements, and this is where some lesser gents fall short, losing valuable chances to impress that special someone. To that end, here are seven tips for the modern gent’s dating arsenal:

1. Be a man with a plan
“So, what do you want to do?” Seemingly considerate to someone else’s desires, this question is really just a line identifying you as a lazy suitor struggling to plan dates. Thus, during the all-important date-planning call, smartly assertive chaps offer a well-thought-out array of outing options (“Tapas and tunes, teriyaki at the dog track, or pomme frites and a foreign flick?”). And in the event of a booked bistro, bad weather outbreak, or a date that’s going so swimmingly you’d like to continue the fun at a follow-up venue, the forward-thinking man scopes out a few more gelato shops or cafés in the neighborhood. That way you can suavely say, “Hey, I know this great place around the corner where we can go for some killer carrot cake. What do you think?”

2. Give her a joy ride
Some occasions find the gent acting as chauffeur, and in these instances, car-side manners are a must. They begin, of course, with the gracious opening of her passenger door before your own. Then, consider your sedan’s interior a mobile living room, requiring you to drive safely while playing host. To set the mood, put away your so-titled Awesome Road Tunes mix. We’re not advocating playing Kenny G light jazz or anything, just that you tone it down a notch until her tastes are better determined. And while showing off your cool taste in tunes, mind the climate control. Is she panting for fresh air? Similarly, it is better to wow a date with your handsome features and toned biceps, not your drag-racing ability. “Drive real fast, speed turns me on” works in Will Smith lyrics, but your date should be embracing your hand, not gripping the safety bar with white knuckles at every hair-raising turn.

3. Nix the interruptions
We’re sure you’ve heard this before, but it bears repeating: few things are a bigger turn-off than the lout who’s thumbs-deep in his cell phone texting away with friends while pretending to be “interested” or answering calls mid-date like an annoying social butterfly with the raised index finger (“One sec… I gotta take this”). The simple rule is no cell phone activity or mobile device use on a date. A quick call might be had during a bathroom break, but nothing more. If you’re expecting an important call or email, inform your escort early on and rudeness will be averted.

4. Try a new form of flattery
It’s well-known that warm words of praise defrost the iciest of personalities. But the type of compliment you concoct can make a big difference. While nice to hear, predictable compliments (“Your hair looks nice”) lead nowhere (“Thanks. I just went to the salon”). Instead, try something less superficial, like a perceptive bon mot about her wicked sense of humor, distinctive voice, or contagious laugh. This proves to her you’re interested in more than just her arm-candy potential and paints you as a deep, intriguing sort she’ll definitely want to get to know better.

5. Use physical contact to show you care
Of course, getting too touchy-feely with a date will only convince her you’re a cad. But the right amount of bodily contact can show the opposite — that you’re a lionhearted fellow who’s interested in her not just as a friend, but as a love interest as well. So when a rendezvous has produced some sparks, go ahead and take her hand. A tenderly treated lady revels in the public view that she’s out on a date and can say in so many words, “Yeah, he’s with me.”

6. Master group dynamics
A rollicking party breaks the same old boring night-on-the-town ritual and exposes your budding romance to the scrutiny of your friends and you to her mingling skills. However, manners require more than stowing her coat and showing the way to the ladies’ room. For the first half-hour or so, keep by your date’s side and make sure she’s comfortable, rather than leaving her to fend for herself while you catch up with old buddies. Once her comfort is assured, you can steal away now and again (though not for too long), and only after leaving her with an engaging circle of conversationalists. Lastly, until exclusivity is established, steer clear of awkward introductions like, “This is my girlfriend” or the slightly denigrating, “Meet my friend Sophia.” Instead, just put your arm around her and say, “This is Gaby.” People will easily take the hint, and you’re spared the awkwardness of trying to classify the relationship as something more or less than it actually is.

7. Call her the day after your date
The “three-day rule” or other such nonsensical delaying tactics are out of vogue. Awkward dates or lukewarm experiences might warrant polite goodbyes, but a gent makes his positive intentions known at the close of the date (or even sooner), and the next day, follows up with some telephonic feedback (“Last night’s Chateaubriand was killer… and so are your eyes. When I can feast on both again?”). Let the so-called players leave a lady in the lurch while you swoop in and proceed tending to the glories of dates #2, #3, and beyond.

By Phineas Mollod and Jason Tesauro

There’s no such thing as a relationship without challenges. However, some stumbling blocks are merely garden-variety annoyances, while others are bona fide deal-breakers. If you’re on the fence about which category your gripes belong in and whether or not they’re worth enduring, consider the advice of Lundy Bancroft and Jac Patrissi, authors of Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can — and Should — Be Saved. Below, they offer five ways to know whether your romance is doomed or likely to go the distance.

1. Consider how you and your partner resolve conflicts
In all relationships, partners experience periods when they need to express their disappointment and/or disagreement. “These periods are characterized by a sense of vulnerability, and they are difficult,” says Patrissi. “Yet, though relationships may get very difficult, you will know that they are working and healthy because each time you navigate these difficulties — and you will, countless times — you are growing closer and developing ways of being together that work for both of you.”

In an unhealthy relationship (i.e., one that really isn’t working), when you hit those periods of conflict, you’ll notice either right away or soon enough that you are not a team struggling for mutual well-being, Patrissi says. Unsure about whether you and your partner are have an unhealthy conflict resolution approach? When you argue, does it become about who can win and/or who can hurt the other more effectively, or does one (or both) of you become explosive or cruel? Is it characterized by your partner thinking almost exclusively about what is good for him or her, not about what’s good for you or the relationship? If any of these statements ring true for you, Patrissi says it’s probably a wise decision to get out.

2. Recognize the difference between irritating habits and deal-breakers
Patrissi says that some of the most troubling and potentially deal-breaking problems one can face with a partner are immaturity, addiction, unresolved or untreated mental health issues (including the after-effects of trauma, depression and personality disorders) and abusiveness: “Each one of these is a big ticket item, meaning it will likely cost you a great deal of emotional energy and time to be in a relationship with your partner and one of these issues. I know you want just your partner, but sometimes the partner doesn’t come without the issue. And that’s the heartbreaker.”

But is it a deal-breaker? That depends on a number of things, including where you are in your own life, where you are in your relationship, and what is safe and possible for you, explains Patrissi: “For example, you may have always known since childhood that if a partner was abusive to you — especially if he laid a hand on you in anger — that this was your deal-breaker. Yet if it happens, you will find yourself faced with many more ethical and practical questions that play into your decision-making than you had anticipated. Also, given your life history, you may decide that, no matter how much you love your partner, you don’t want to put so much energy into dealing with anything so consuming.”

3. Focus on yourself for a bit
Often, the easiest way to find clarity about your relationship involves shifting your focus away from it and to the center and joy of your own life instead. “In rediscovering what brings you joy, reinvesting in a daily routine that will support you, rediscovering some of the values you hold and creating a self-nurturing plan that includes skills for regulating your emotions when you feel out of sorts and creating a parenting-from-your-center plan if you have kids, you will create your own ‘no matter what happens’ life goals for yourself,” Patrissi explains.

Once you identify a couple of these life goals, you’ll enter into a process of addressing all the barriers to your own growth — some of which may involve your existing relationship. For example: You may realize that you are exhausted from coping with your partner’s issue; you may have poor financial health, which is a common consequence of destructive relationships; or, you may not be physically safe enough in the relationship to initiate moves toward investing in a routine that supports you — all of which should provide clear reasons why leaving your current relationship would be preferable to sticking around.

4. Think about the consequences of ending the relationship
When debating whether to leave or stay, Lundy advises first considering whether you’ve ever felt frightened of your partner. Has this person ever physically attacked you, or made you feel that he or she was on the verge of it? Has your partner ever forced you sexually? Has your partner said anything like, “You’d better not ever try to leave me” or anything similar that suggested he or she wanted you to be afraid of ending things? If your intuition tells you that your partner may have a volatile reaction, that’s a pretty good sign that walking away from your relationship is a good idea.

That said, it’s incredibly important to plan your exit carefully before doing so to ensure your safety, says Lundy: “Before telling your partner that you’re ending the relationship, figure out how you are going to get your belongings safely out of your place,” she advises. “Consider whether seeking a protective order might increase your safety, and deliver the news in a public place.” If you’re concerned that your partner may engage in self-harm, let key people in his or her life know that your relationship is ending — and that you are concerned about your partner’s welfare. “Once you’ve done that, you have to let go; your partner is responsible for his or her own choices, and you are not the cause of his or her deep misery,” Lundy says.

5. Imagine a life without your partner
Anyone can lose track of his or her identity in a relationship. “You may have put aside your own goals and dreams, lost track of your own favorite activities and closest friends, sacrificed your taste in music or movies, or altered your political beliefs,” says Lundy. “Though all this accommodating can help hold a relationship together, the price is too high; you vanish in your partner’s current.”

When you’re trying to decide whether staying in your relationship will be truly beneficial or not, ask yourself if you have remained true to who you really are during the time you’ve been with your partner, and what your life would look like if you were no longer together. Remember that having love, approval, kindness and appreciation for yourself is at least as important as getting it from someone else; if these feelings are impossible to have while in your current relationship, it’s time to get back into having a loving, supportive connection with yourself.

And as much as we all enjoy being in love, Lundy cautions against jumping right into seeing someone new: “Give yourself time to get the benefits of being alone and to work through the grief and anger you’re carrying from the relationship that just ended. Build resources into your life that will support you and help to fill the gap left by your partner’s absence. Make friendships a priority, especially with people you can really trust. If you have children, you now have an opportunity to spend significant extra time with them, focusing on having fun and feeling close.”

By Chelsea Kaplan
YAHOO Dating Tips and Advice

Let’s be honest: Dating is full of uncertainty. In fact, that’s what makes it exciting (albeit occasionally disappointing). It’s the waiting to see if someone will call — or fall for you, for that matter. Sometimes, though, the signals can get a little too confusing. And that situation can be worse than a brush-off, since you’re not sure whether to hang on or let go. To help you through those tricky times, we asked relationship experts to decipher daters’ most contradictory moves so you know what’s really going on…and what to do.

Mixed signal #1: He says he wants to be exclusive but refuses to introduce you as his girlfriend.

It’s clichéd but true: “Actions speak louder than words,” says Patti Feinstein, a Chicago-based dating coach. “If he isn’t referring to you as his girlfriend, odds are you’re not. It’s that simple.” Still, there are exceptions. He may just not like the word “girlfriend,” which can seem very junior high, especially if either of you has been married before. And if he introduces you only by name — simply saying, “This is Lisa,” with no qualifier attached — then there’s a solid chance that he’s already told people so much about you that there’s no need to attach a title. The only way to know for sure is to ask for clarification, especially if he was the one to bring up the whole “exclusive” thing in the first place. “Make it light,” she advises. “Just say, ‘I’m confused about something — you said we were exclusive. What does that mean to you?’” Pay attention to what he says, but even closer attention to how he says it: Is he comfortable saying “Of course you’re my girlfriend!” or does he react like a caged animal? Either way, his reaction will tell you plenty about where you stand.

Mixed signal #2: She says she just wants to be friends and then kisses you.

“This usually means that she wants to take it at her own pace,” says David Steele, author of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World. “Guys usually push for things to move fast physically, and this is a way for a woman to slow things down by saying you are ‘just friends’ until she is sure that she is interested in this relationship.” The kiss lets her test the waters. Some women, however, may be looking for a “friend with benefits” — which is fine if you’re up for that, but trickier if you want to date her seriously. “Your best bet is to gauge how she acts over the next week after the kiss,” says Feinstein. “If she’s cool and distant, then it was a one-time thing. But if she’s acting warmly towards you, then it’s usually a sign that she wants you to make more moves.”

Mixed signal #3: He asks for your number but never calls.

No matter how much that hot guy flirted with you last night, it’s best to assume that he won’t call. “Asking for your number is not a promise to call,” explains Steele. “People like keeping their options open, so they ask for a number now and think about whether to call later.” Don’t worry, your instincts weren’t deceiving you — chances are, he really was having a good time with you when he asked for your digits. But as time passed, he may have come to the realization that you’re not quite his type, met someone else, felt too insecure to phone you — or maybe he bumped into his ex and decided to give it another try with her. No matter the reason — which you’ll probably never know, anyway — your best bet is to move on. The worst thing you can do is hunt him down, says Steele. “If he was interested, he would have called,” he says. “It’s time to move on.”

Mixed signal #4: She always says yes when you ask her out — as long as it’s on a weeknight.

“If you’ve just started seeing her, then this isn’t that out of line,” says Steele. “You don’t want to jump into a relationship where all of a sudden it’s assumed that you’re spending the weekends together.” But as soon as things start getting more serious — or if you’re already exclusive and suddenly she’s busy every Saturday night — it’s time to ask her who she’s saving that prime date night for. “Don’t start speculating; it could be that she has to work on the weekend, or maybe she’s helping a friend or relative through a rough patch,” says Steele. If it turns out that she has a different guy for every night of the week and you’re Mr. Tuesday, then you need to move on and find someone interested in being only with you.

Mixed signal #5: He’s always complimenting you and taking you on lots of “dates,” but he doesn’t even try to kiss you on the lips.

Let’s get something straight: Most guys aren’t interested in being just friends. If he’s whispering lots of sweet nothings and treating you to nice dinners or fun outings, then he’s into you — but he’s scared that you don’t feel the same. “Lots of guys are so afraid of rejection that they can’t make that first move,” says Feinstein. It’ll be up to you to get the ball rolling, she says. “You may think that your interest in him is obvious, but you’ll need to send some unambiguous clues that you want things to get physical,” she says. So try going for a kiss yourself… or if that’s not your style, try some subtle moves: holding his hand, standing or sitting a wee bit closer to him than normal, or (here’s the clincher) letting your eyes linger on his lips while he’s talking to you. All clear signs that you’re saying, kiss me, you fool!

By Amanda May
YAHOO Dating Tips and Advice